In March of 1998 I said good bye to my best friend. As a tribute to him and to help others learn from his life I have decided to dedicate this spot to his memory. After all if it were not for him this spot would simply not exist because I wouldn't be here. Although you probably never met him my dad is the reason you are able to enjoy this web site. The ironic thing is he never got to see it. That's okay he never knew of a lot of things he helped me to accomplish in my life.
After reading what is written below ask yourself "If I had a son that had a web site would this be what I would want written about me ?" Or would you want him to write about all the things you had killed while hunting, your gun collection or your financial or job status?
While most everyone has a special dad John Bell Besherse ( J.B.) was a DAD among dads. As you will read later in something my youngest brother wrote about him. I am going to tell you some things that made him the special person he was. I believe that after reading this you will evaluate your life and probably make a few changes. I know I have changed after seeing The Effects of ONE GOOD MAN.
I knew dad was a liked man but I simply could not have imagined how much until after his death. When we were making his burial arrangements at the funeral home I heard the phone ring several times. After one of the calls I saw one of the directors say to another "that's another one asking, we are going to have to put him in the chapel."
The night people came to offer their condolences was simply overwhelming. The chapel was large enough to sit several hundred people but that was not near long enough to hold the line of visitors. The line went out the back doors through an entry room and out into the parking lot quiet a ways. I couldn't believe all of this for a man retired and in his late 60's. There were so many people that I decided to go down the line and talk to them while they were waiting. I would walk up to them introduce myself and ask"how did you know daddy ?"
What I heard that night and for sometime later
were stories that I had never heard before. An accumulation of a lifetime
of good deeds and kindness shown to his fellow man. My dad went quietly
about doing good for others and never saying anything about it, not even
in a round about way. I never remember him saying "yeah I went down
to Joe's house and give him some money, left some food ,etc." He just
didn't talk about doing the good things he did.
Here is just a sampling: "when I woke up in the hospital the first
face I saw was J.B. looking at me", "when I was hurt your dad
came by and gave me money to help me out ", "he was one fine man",
"you had the best dad I have ever seen","when I was in trouble
your dad came and helped me out and I'll never forget it". On and on
all, the above was stated by more than one person.
There was more, lots more. The guy who was setting in the front room at the funeral home the day we had to make arrangements. He came up and said "the day my dad died your dad spent the whole day with me helping me with all this stuff and I have never forgotten it." The man was a casual friend to daddy ,the best I can remember we never ate at their house or anything like that, but dad took off from work and spent the whole day with him....I never knew. I will never forget that man for what he did that day for me. Funny isn't it, my dad taught me a lesson through this fellow and daddy wasn't even alive.
Have you ever heard the analogy of someone who walks the beach and leaves tracks in the sand. You can see where they have been even though they may not be anywhere close when you see the tracks. It became apparent to me very quickly that J.B. Besherse had left alot of tracks in the lives and on the hearts of many people. I can never remember a funeral where so many grown men were openly weeping. Some were so bad that I had to hold them up and comfort them....I still haven't gotten over that.
The food, flowers, cards, calls and visits were simply unbelievable. I received cards from old friends that I hadn't seen or heard from in 15 years. All talked of the impact dad had on them. I remember back when I graduated we had to pick a parent to lead the closing prayer to send us off into the world. It was unanimous, the class wanted my dad...I didn't nominate him, I didn't have to. Daddy always had a special place in his heart for kids and all the kids knew it.
Dad went to Korea not because he had to but because he wanted to, he was too young to be there but somehow found a way to go serve his country. While he was there he came across a young Korean boy crying because his mother and father had been killed. Daddy took him back to camp and cared of him. Daddy was out one day in the fields and had his leg broken very badly. They had to fly him to Japan and do surgery on it. He never saw the boy again. Mom said he use to lay awake at night worrying about the boy and what became of him.
Daddy was a unique man, humble, loving, caring, and somewhat quiet. When he talked to someone he was always interested in them. He'd let them talk about what they were doing and center the conversation around that instead of carrying the conversation of what he was or was wanting to do. He always seemed to be wearing a teddy bear face and it was always a pleasure to be around him.
Although he never came out and said it his life exemplified an I'm Last Philosophy. He put everyone's needs in front of his own. I had the pleasure of taking him on some of my many road trips to different events. On one trip late one night somewhere between Macon GA and home it occurred to me that every conversation I could remember having with him in my life revolved around me. I remember saying "daddy I never have heard you say what you wanted to do in your life so now's your chance. You are retired and have some free time what do you want to do ?" I think the question must have took him by surprise because he had to gather his thoughts, besides it had taken me over 30 years to ask.
After a moment or two he basically said "whatever your mom wants to do". How typical. I started realizing at that point that he probably never considered such things. His life revolved around making others happy and mom was second on the list only to God. The kids came next then the grand kids-those two were reversed at times. There were the other family members, friends, acquaintances and then strangers. He may have put himself after acquaintances but that's up for debate.
He had always wanted a workshop when we were younger. He didn't have a good area to fix things and we were bad about using his tools as toy tractor plows and such. Anyway about three years ago my mom said "you are going to have to talk to your dad about the workshop, we have had plenty of money to build one in an account for several years and he won't use it." I told her not to worry the master negotiator was on the case.
I caught him outside and thought "this is great I'll start talking to him about it, then make him get a mental picture of it. I'll remind him that he has always wanted one,that he really could use the work shop and now there was no reason he couldn't build one." I started in on him ,went through the above scenario then went for the close. I said "Now right here is the best spot, I can run the power under ground, I'll call and get some gravel in here , get the concrete poured, and order the lumber.Then in a day or so Lee and I will come out here and have it up and the roof on in a couple of days." My plan was working great, that is until I stopped talking and he started. "Son I don't think now is such a good time to do this...something might happen to me and your mom might need that money."
That was that...no workshop and I knew not to say anything else. I went in the house were Mom was anxiously waiting. "How did it go?" she asked. "He said no" I replied. "What are we going to do with him?" she muttered. I just shrugged my shoulders. You see even though the above may come across otherwise there was never a doubt who was in control of the family. What he said went. Even Wesley my son knew the hierarchy by the time he was 8 or 9. I was getting on to him pretty good one time. I don't know if it included a switch but either way Wes let me know real quick were I stood. In the middle of our "discussion "he said " you better watch out or I'll tell Papa "(my dad). I guess you know how big that made me feel.
Daddy was a man's man. Another man who I have a lot of respect for described him by saying "he was much a man". He went on to describe how big his arms were...like I needed an accurate description . Dad had 5 of us kids and there was 12 years of difference in us. We could all get on him and he could still throw us off, we could never hold him down even after the older ones were quiet big. The day he died I still thought he could whop me with one hand....and he could have.
When I was about eight I remember one of our horses had tried to rake and/or throw one of my siblings off. I still can feel the fear I felt then seeing him "take care of the horse" as he put it. He didn't take kindly to anything or anybody hurting one of his precious possessions. He picked up a feed scoop handle, grabbed the horse by the bridle and let the thrashing begin. I was so scared, I just knew one of them was starting to die. As it ended neither did but I bet that horse didn't do anything bad to one of us for a long time.
One of the last things I saw him do was ride his horse. We were over at his house and the kids wanted to ride. Of course he stopped what he was doing and hurried to put on his boots and saddle 'em up. My youngest son is eat up with the horses. At this time he was 2 1/2 but he wasn't afraid one bit. He wanted me to ride him on Big Jack. The name fits. He weights at least 1200 pounds. I put my son Zach on and then hopped into the saddle. We road some , then Big Jack decided he didn't want to ride us anymore. He pulled all the classic moves like walking sideways and giving the hint that he just might throw us if we didn't oblige him. With Zach on board I didn't want any problems so I let Big Jack go back to the barn. As we were heading back I told the horse "you think you're bad now you wait till I get this kid off and we'll see what you got."The whole time I was thinking about how hard I would ride him and the like. My plan was going good until daddy reached and got Zach down then told me in a gruff voice "Get Off". "Yes Sir" I said.
Dad had been watching the whole thing....have I
told you he doesn't take kindly to that sorta thing. The horse was basically
ridden into the ground and at a fast pace I might add. My youngest brother
Mark was there beside me watching. We just sorta looked at each other. I
broke the silence by saying "I'm not tellin' him he's too old and/or
he shouldn't be doing it ....that I'll take care of it for him....I'm not
that crazy!" My brother replied with "yeah I caught him out here
the other day running him wide open, back and forth across the pasture.....whatta
ya gonna do?"
I could go on and on. This is just a tid bit. What did daddy teach me?
He taught me many things. How to handle things, animals and people. How to shoot a gun, sharpen a knife, clean an animal, run a drill,chain saw and hammer. Work on a car, heater, dryer ,light socket etc. How to hunt, fish and plant a garden. How to start a lawn mower, drive a truck ,operate a tractor and fix a fence. How to use a shovel, pick, ax , rake or hoe. How to put a roof on a house, tin on a barn and paint on walls. How to shine my shoes, iron my clothes (because mom had other things that she needed to do) and tie a dress tie. Wash the car, dishes and my clothes. How to cook, wipe the cabinets and sweep the floor. He taught me how to take care of myself!
What did I learn from J.B.Besherse
I learned that in life whether you are dealing with your animals or your family someone has to be in control and that it better be you.....or you are in for some trouble. I learned that even though you are in control that doesn't mean you are a dictator and that you come first. I learned that you are never too busy to take your family to church. I learned how to love your wife and kids . I learned how to treat my fellow man. I learned that doing your best was as important as what you were doing. I learned all this and more not by what he said but by what he did. Some people are big on words and short on action. Daddy was short on words and big on actions
What did I learn from the death of J.B.Besherse
I learned that the footprints you leave in the sand are there long after you are gone
I Learned the "Effects Of ONE GOOD MAN"
Have you ever noticed the only difference between God and Good is one o
Below is something my youngest brother wrote the day my dad died . It was read at the funeral
Dad did everything that could be asked of a father. In 12 years of ball games I can't remember him missing a one. In the years that I was in school I remember his day going something like this: Wake the kids for school with "Rise & Shine" followed by a flick of the light switch. In the event there was a slow riser Dad had the classic statement "Do you want the fireman to come see you!" This was a very not so subtle way of Dad letting the slow riser know that a fire would be extinguished shortly in his bed.
After everyone was up and moving he would make a sack lunch for himself and Mom. In the event that Mom was going to drive a separate car he always made sure she had plenty of gas. In 45+ years I would venture to guess that Mom has put gas in a car less than 50 times. After work the trip was made from Huntsville to Athens to watch and support one or more of the kids at ball games. After games there was always a pat on the back and a word of encouragement no matter what the outcome of the game. By the time we got home it was bedtime and the next day the regiment would start all over.
While doing all of this he managed to go church 3 times a week. This was all done without a single complaint. Complaining was basically omitted from Dad's personality, he often referred to complaining as crying over "spilt milk". He was the consummate Father, Husband and Family Man. He was the everything every Dad should be. He was the closest thing to God this son has every seen on earth. All of his good deeds, all the meals he cooked, all of the thousands of games he attended, all the rigors of Fatherhood were done without complaint. All of this from a man who grew up on the wrong side of town, poor and without his Dad by the age of 7. He was indeed a fighter who never let life get him down. Dad was not a Golfer, avid Hunter or Fisherman. He was simply a dedicated family man.
In all his years I never remember him looking at another woman other than Mom. I can't recall him even hinting that another woman was attractive other than my Mom. He simply refused to allow anything to interfere with his dedication to being the Greatest Father, The Best Husband and the Best Grandpa in the world. He was everything to the Besherse Family: Our Rock, Our Anchor, and Our Supporter. He was truly good.
THIS WAS MY FATHER
Mark Besherse
After reading what J.B. Besherse son's have said
about him would you rather your son's talk about all the game animals you
had taken or all the their games you attended. How much money you made or
how you taught them how to make money. All the things you had done or all
the things you helped them do. How you had helped yourself climb the latter
of success or how you had helped others less fortunate. Dad was a very successful
person but neither of us talked about that. As it was stated at his funeral
he had attained all kinds of things but not because he tried but because
he was such a good person that it just came with the territory.
I hope that one day your son will be writing an article about you titled The Effects of ONE GOOD MAN because the world needs a lot more men like daddy!
Sincerely,
Doug Besherse